i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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