He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
