Heybabeimwearingurpanties
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
