lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Randomize
