Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
