Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Randomize
