You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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