So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
