No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
