and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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