The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
