Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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