you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
