If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im six kinds of drunk right now
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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