Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
