i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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