I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
