Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
