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I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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