I'm sorry my penis didn't work
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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