Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
