you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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