Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
