dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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