I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
