i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
