Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
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