Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
