Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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