I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
