Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
