did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
