Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.