i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.