At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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