Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol