Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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