i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
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it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
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I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU