things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Apple has a Lot to Explain to iPhone X Customers
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We had to coat check the pizza.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
People Asked The Internet Questions About their Private Parts And The Results Are Hilarious
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting