Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
