I got her a Nickelback box set.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
