We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
