4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
