Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
you will always have a special place in my vag
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
