I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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