my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
