I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We had sex on a dog bed..
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
