The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
