sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
