OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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