I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
