Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
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My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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