Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
This girl is more easily done than said...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.