Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
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As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.