After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
