I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
