If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
