took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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