Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
