Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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