He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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