what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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