what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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