Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
