woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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