so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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