Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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