Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
