just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Randomize