He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i love accidental penises.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
