And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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