I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
