The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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